What are Your Shoulds?
Each person has a unique path and an individual story that they can tell about the path they have taken in life.
In life we encounter many moments that feel like junctions or intersections. Those places and moments are ones where many women ask themselves,
“What should I do here?”
The word “should” is one that turns up in these personal questions.
Should is complicated for many women.
“Should” might be laden with responsibility, obligation, and a sense of duty.
Often those feelings are present in stark contrast to what a woman wants to do.
Earlier in our lives we considered:
“What schools should I apply to?”
“What degree(s) should I seek?”
“What type of work should I pursue? What sort of career path should I take?”
And as a woman’s career and family life become more complex, she might ask herself more questions focused on “should”.
“What sort of promotions should I seek?”
“What style of home life should I aim for?”
“Should I become a wife? A mother?”
“What type of mother and wife should I be?”
These questions are complicated.
In a perfect world a woman can explore these questions at these junctions and arrive at decisions that are fulfilling, exciting, and that help her develop a keen vision for life’s possibilities. Through this awareness she can envision and find success and contentment.
But I know it is not a perfect world.
I toed the line of “shoulds” a good portion of my life. Some of my “shoulds”, although borne from a feeling of responsibility, were actively chosen by me. For example, I decided 20 years ago that staying with my firm is something that I should do as having a corporate role, where I focused on progression and success, enabled me to provide for my sons as a single parent so that they would have access to opportunities within their lives.
I’m quite proud of having been able to provide this path for my sons.
There are two distinct times in my life that I started focusing on my own wants and desires. The first was in my 20s when I decided to live and go to school in France. I had great interest in seeking out international experiences and in taking some measured chances while figuring out a career path that would enable my independence.
The second time was when I made the decision to leave my long term corporate career and step into coaching as a business owner. Becoming a Life & Leadership/Executive coach, with clients across the globe, has been a natural progression of my life. I’ve been a relationship builder and coach all of my life.
These are the two times when I felt that I was creating a life that was truly mine.
At both of these junctions in my life, the world was telling me one thing and I did another.
Women often listen closely to their “shoulds” and make decisions based on these pressures. In many instances this is an acceptable decision but sometimes it is not.
When it is not a great choice is when a woman feels stuck and wishes life would be altogether different.
I work with my clients to define and explore their “shoulds” and uncover where they may have made choices that they would like to be different.
It is possible to watch for the junctions, to even plan for the junctions, and then plan for what bold, meaningful, and purposive decisions can be made in those moments.
In my coaching practice I work with clients to look, with purpose, toward their future and define what steps are right for them.
The work we undertake is not easy, but it is incredibly fulfilling. I am a proud coach when I work with a woman who is redefining her goals and her boundaries. There are thrilling, golden threads in her life that she can knit into the fabric of her life and create her vision and live into it.
Don’t wait until you hit a crisis point.
If you feel you’re living life according to everyone else’s terms and conditions rather than your own wants and desires, let’s have a chat.
With the right support, it’s possible to walk through and beyond these challenges.
I encourage you to put yourself at the cause of your life (vs. living at the effect of your life) and take steps to live the life you desire.
Consider the following to stimulate your personal insights:
What are the ‘shoulds” that you’ve encountered in your life?
Are your “shoulds” bothersome to you?
Where, in your life, have your “shoulds” stimulated your success? In what ways?
If there are aspects of your life that you wish were markedly different, what might you do to change course and do things differently?